Fear, Worry, Panic and Other Beasts

I'm one of those individuals who obsess on things one really shouldn't. For example, a student from my school was walking home with her little brother as I was driving (No, I was NOT speeding and I was watching the kids who were walking home.). Just as I pulled up even with them, she grabbed her brother and did that pretend shove into the street gag, which I just love so much. I immediately stopped the car (what if he had slipped out of her hands, what if he had tripped?), and being in teacher mode, I opened the window, identified myself as one of the teachers at her school (she isn't one of my students) and told her of my disapproval of her actions. Turns out her mother was watching her children walk home. Mom got in her car, followed me home and proceeded to berate me for stopping to talk to her daughter. I told her that her daughter shouldn't scare drivers with a stunt like the one she pulled. In any case, the woman drove home, I went into my house and obsessed about the incident all day.

This is why I don't break rules. I can't handle the consequences. I don't want to deal with them, they make me uncomfortable, I obsess about them.

This got me thinking about fear and worry, which I do a lot of as well. I don't want to, but it's part of who I am. It's part of why I don't enjoy teaching. Too many students have parents who blame the teacher rather their own child's performance. I don't deal well with confrontation, even when I'm in the right.

So I try to live my life with as little chance of confrontation as possible. That's my real fear. That and worrying about my daughters when they drive. Or when they're out. Or when my husband is a little late. Or even waiting for medical test results, although I'm quite fine.

There's a reason I can write fiction. My brain is always coming up with the worst case scenario and rewriting reality.

--Gabi

Books I'm reading now:

Sugar Daddy by Lisa Kleypass