Fear, Worry, Panic and Other Beasts

I'm one of those individuals who obsess on things one really shouldn't. For example, a student from my school was walking home with her little brother as I was driving (No, I was NOT speeding and I was watching the kids who were walking home.). Just as I pulled up even with them, she grabbed her brother and did that pretend shove into the street gag, which I just love so much. I immediately stopped the car (what if he had slipped out of her hands, what if he had tripped?), and being in teacher mode, I opened the window, identified myself as one of the teachers at her school (she isn't one of my students) and told her of my disapproval of her actions. Turns out her mother was watching her children walk home. Mom got in her car, followed me home and proceeded to berate me for stopping to talk to her daughter. I told her that her daughter shouldn't scare drivers with a stunt like the one she pulled. In any case, the woman drove home, I went into my house and obsessed about the incident all day.

This is why I don't break rules. I can't handle the consequences. I don't want to deal with them, they make me uncomfortable, I obsess about them.

This got me thinking about fear and worry, which I do a lot of as well. I don't want to, but it's part of who I am. It's part of why I don't enjoy teaching. Too many students have parents who blame the teacher rather their own child's performance. I don't deal well with confrontation, even when I'm in the right.

So I try to live my life with as little chance of confrontation as possible. That's my real fear. That and worrying about my daughters when they drive. Or when they're out. Or when my husband is a little late. Or even waiting for medical test results, although I'm quite fine.

There's a reason I can write fiction. My brain is always coming up with the worst case scenario and rewriting reality.

--Gabi

Books I'm reading now:

Sugar Daddy by Lisa Kleypass

Family

Well, it's that time of year again. Family is coming to town. Mind you, I'm excited to see them, but it also means that I won't have a day to myself this week to write or simply do nothing. That's a little harsh. My sister would of course give me the time with encouragement no less. My mother on the other hand doesn't believe that I'm doing anything productive pursuing this writing career of mine and so will call me to fold laundry (!) rather than let me create. This is the woman who said, "When are you going to give up this silly thing of writing?" and "Why don't you write a real book?" and "I never understood you."

Family. You gotta love 'em. OK, you don't, but I love them anyway. At times.
--Gabi

What I'm reading now:
Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz
Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen
Raintree: Sanctuary by Beverly Barton

Obsession

No, not the perfume. Have you ever found yourself consuming everything about a certain subject in a short period of time? Like reading a ton of J.D. Robb (Nora Roberts) at once? Or cooking something once a week for a month (when one cooks)? Or having to have a certain candy bar for a while? I'm going through one such phase right now. Only I'm doing it with two things. First, I've discovered the CONNECTIONS series. I've watched several of the original (from 1979), a few of the second series (1994) and a couple of the third (1997). Fascinating stuff and James Burke is rather funny. I'm totally buying into his view that history (of science, of literature, of religion, etc.) isn't linear at all, but that all these connections exist. So every week, I'm going to the library to check out as many of the DVD's as they have and enjoying them. Because to buy the original series alone is $149.99 and my dollar is devalued enough, thank you very much.
My second second obsession can hardly be called that because there are only three items to glom. I needed reading material (I've been physically down this week with little energy to do anything but read) and my husband bought me Dean Koontz's BROTHER ODD. So Now I'm reading the first in the series, ODD THOMAS, and I will most likely get the second one this week as well, when I go to return my latest CONNECTIONS DVD's.

--Gabi

Books I'm reading now (if you didn't get them from my post above)
Brother Odd by Dean Koontz
Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz

Direct Proportions

I've noticed a direct correlation to the amount of writing work I get done to the amount of work I assign my students. After you read my discovery, you'll probably roll your eyes (if you could), and wonder why I consider myself even remotely intelligent. It's a real "Duh" moment. Let's just say I knew, but I never really thought about it much before.

So the observation is this: the bigger the assignment I have to correct, the less work I get done on my writing. (I told you--"Duh.") I have twenty-one more essays to correct by Monday, and I don't see myself getting to the chapter I wanted to have finished by Wednesday. Day jobs bleed your creative time, and teaching is worst than most. I also haven't read, haven't cooked, gone shopping, or any other useful thing. OK, let's face it. I'm a slug.

So onto the corrections and the shopping (we do need milk). I'm hoping I can get something productive done this week.
--Gabi

Books I'm reading now:
Late Night Talking by Leslie Schnur (finished, and that's all)